"I can't say I'm surprised," groaned Steve Bubbles, who was recently laid off from his job as a Big Daddy. "First they cut back on our uniforms, so we're stomping around trying to smash people in snorkels and swim fins, and then this. Today, I'm lucky if I can just make a few dollars setting up rocket turrets in the middle of hallways."
Contractors who rely on tourism to make their living have been hit especially hard said Denny Marshall, head of Arcadia Splicers Union 405.
"In the good old days, I'd hack up 15 or 20 mysterious adventurers a month," Marshall said. "I did it right, too. Nobody could flicker the lights and unleash a bloodcurdling scream like old Denny. But with the economy the way it is, people just aren't traveling like they used to."
An unidentified Big Daddy shows a sign of solidarity with fellow workers.
Competition among splicers for the few visitors still coming to Rapture has gotten fierce, he said.
"The other day, this guy swims in from a shipwreck and starts wandering around the bathysphere," Marshall said. "I figure I'll creep around in the shadows muttering for a while, really give him the full-service treatment. But when I get there, there's already 20 non-union guys playing dead on the floor waiting to grab him when he walks by. Damn scabs."
Fontaine Fisheries CEO Frank Fontaine said he felt that buying only Rapture-made goods and services would help keep the local economy afloat.
"Always buy from your local guy, that's what I always say," he said. "And when you can, would you kindly shop at Fontaine Fisheries?"
Mayor Andrew Ryan declined to comment on the matter, but his office issued a press release blaming the recession on parasites, politicians, Communists, Catholics, Muslims, moralists, hypocrites and "whomever else is pissing off his honor this week."
The preceding content was intended as a piece of fictional satire and should not be taken seriously.
